i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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