Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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