dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
