She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
