around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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