There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
