I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
