You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
