I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
