We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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