You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
