If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A bitchslap is in order.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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