the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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