my sisters under your porch take her home
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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