Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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