I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
