You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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