how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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