Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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