we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
