Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
