Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
