Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
