dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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