You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
