Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize