I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
