I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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