Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
