At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
