dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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