the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
