He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Terrible idea I love it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
