Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
