next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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