Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
