i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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