Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
