Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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