My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
