And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
