Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
