And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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