Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
