I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
