Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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