after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
