apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
