Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
