Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
