OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
