Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We just shotgunned beers for America
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
