This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize