yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
