your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
