went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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