i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
