I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
did i just pee glitter
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
