I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
