pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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