I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
