They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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