One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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