I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
