There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
