i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
