I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
