She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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