I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
