I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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