let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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