I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
