I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
