I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
